birthdays and thoughts?

ahhh what will it take for me to go to portugal..!

the past few years i keep thinking to myself that i should be humble and not ask for anything when my birthday arrives..
but every year i seem to find something that i really really really want, and i cling onto that until my birthday so that i hope to get it from my family instead of having to buy it myself! kinda selfish, and i wish i could be humble and not be so selfish in asking for these presents in the first place... but i dunno.. there are certain things that i just really want.. and perhaps its always just an infatuation.. most of the time the feeling and urge of wanting something SO much will pass eventually, after time..

2 years ago i think, it was a Samsung T9 mp3 player with 4 gb flash memory, and bluetooth.. i was so caught up with it because it looked really nice (in my opinion!) and because it had the bluetooth feature which meant i could basically connect it to my phone and pretty much turn my mp3 into a mobile phone: i could use the built-in microphone in my mp3 to talk and have my (bluetooth) headphones to listen!
i actually did get it for my birthday.. ironically i still havent got around to actually use the bluetooth-feature properly though..

last year for my birthday i just got into my guitar-playing craze becuz of Ana Free.. and i wanted that epiphone j-200 guitar so badly! and my parents knew that cuz i had been asking them whether i could get that one.... -.- i asked for the dark-coloured one, but got the natural-coloured one instead.. ohwell...i didnt mind that much cuz i actually got the guitar! which was amazing to me!
and now,, my guitar playing has improved, but not as much as i would've liked.. i could be so much better if i had taken the time to actually meet up with my friend who was more than willing to give me some guitar lessons! and lately, my brother is completely hogging up my guitar, and he keeps tuning it half a step down and annoying the crap outta me with it! but i dont really show my annoyances to him 100%.. and now he just takes my guitar out of my room, into his, and keeps it there to play whenever he wants :S worst part of it is that he doesnt even treat it decently! he lays it on the ground which i think is so terrible... i really try my best to treat my guitar as carefully as possible.. i've (almost!) never bumped it into anything.. i never lay in on the ground (even when i do, i always lay something soft under it for protection, i always try to keep it clean, and i take the capo off whenever i'm not playing, and things like that..
he does ..NONE of these things. okay he does put something soft like a pillow under the guitar, but it still annoys the hell out of me, cuz i dont think he even knows how to treat it properly.... blugh,, anyways..

so my birthday-wish for this year would be to get to go to portugal for like a week or something... but i really feel bad asking for this gift though :s cuz my birthday gifts keep getting more and more expensive, and i should stop.. so i was thinking that i'll fund my own trip. pay for everything myself. or at least the major part of it.. but im not sure if i'll actually go through with my plan though.. if i do, i should probably find a part-time job somewhere, which i cant really do since ive been working at our own restaurant all the time... :/



mmm on a completely different note (this will be such a long post... but no one will read it anyways.... :P),,
have u ever stopped and think what others might think of you? i recently had one of those days where i thought about these things. It gets me so self-conscious, cuz i really do know that i have several big flaws, and probably a lot more of which i dont even know of (annoying things im not unaware of doing). a lot of aspects of me are.. i dunno.
unless someone is really open, most people would just think im weird probably
and a big part of me is trying to say to myself 'so what!' and just ignore the outside-world. but saying that to myself wont change the outside-view of ME. whether u accept urself the way u are or not.. the negative thoughts of the people surrounding you, still remain the same.. doesnt really matter then, now does it?

...and with that depressing thought, i leave you. to finally go to bed so i can spend another not-going-to-school-day tomorrow!