hmmmm I think i lost my Christmas-spirit..
Christmas is perfect with snow, and there was a lot of snow like a month back.. so naturally i was totally in the mood for Christmas.. But lately it's actually been quite warm for a December, so it's just.. not christmassy at all!
All decorations are nice though.. especially when it looks just, beautiful and breath-taking..
i just wish we had a real christmas-tree, and not one of those fake ones... of course it's easier and all.. but nothing beats the real ones.. big, and perfect.. and perfectly decorated...!

What did i wanna... ohyea.. what i wanted to say is this..
There's an imagine in my head, of the ULTIMATE Christmas.. like, good atmosphere, a warm and cosy wintery night, a real christmas-tree that's big and perfectly decorated.. snow! people you wanna be with.. and the overpowering feeling that everything will be okay. just because it's Christmas.. You know.. like in the movies...
but as Christmas is getting closer and closer, it becomes very clear that I'm not going to have those type of Christmasses.. and that those things only happen in movies, and in movies only.

You know what my Christmas will look like? I'll spend it in a restaurant.. with nice decorations, and the food is fine.
but instead of eating at that restaurant, i'll be working there. This year's Christmas, like any other, I'll be spending it with customers at the restaurant..
That's why I'm out of my Xmas-mood probably..

I will have a proper Christmas-celebration though.. taking place at my aunt's house (where the above picture was taken, last year). We're most-likely having a very late dinner there (around 22.30-23.00 probably), and after that, unwrapping the gifts.. (Secret Santa with the family) It's always fun, but i kinda always hope my Secret Santa is someone besides my parents or my lil brother or sister.. cuz they just plain suck at buying presents....
My older brother is all right.. he really thinks about what to buy and what I would really like/need/want etc.. but my mum bought me a memorystick last year, and a red crystal heart from Swarovski.... of course i don't complain, but.. seriously......... My little brother and sister could've gotten away with that.. Then it would've been a nice suggestion.. but... aww,, nevermind.

.Hmm.... what else, what else..
i've been meaning to keep my posts short =/ (not that it'd matter.. i doubt anyone reads this anyways :P But if you do happen to read this.... hi!)

oh and Merry Christmas to you of course! ;) even though this post wasn't exactly merry, I still wish you one of those perfect Christmas-night though :)

I like it.. :)

like what? i dunno.. anything, everything...

(except university though..)

[ i kinda like this picture ^^ i think it's my brother's hand... or.. mine..? uhhh i don't remember.. xD anywhoo....]

my thoughts the other day....
When you haven't talked to a person for only a few days, how do you tell them you missed him/her.. without sounding desperate..
how do you tell someone you're thankful for spending time with you, and that you enjoy their company, when all they do is having conversation with you.. without sounding lonely..

maybe you can't. i dunno, whatever.. anyway..

pff, went to the hospital today to visit my aunt.. bleh, she was on the same floor as my dad used to be, a few years back..
i remembered so many things from back then.. i think it's been like 7years now? I remember the lobby.. the hallways.. those hospital-doors and all the whiteness.. i remembered the elevators and even the coffee-machine that was in the lobby.. and that hospital-smell... pff
when I was walking through the hall, I kinda had this feeling over me.. i dunno what it was.. it was mostly just emptiness.. I wasn't sure what i was feeling, but i felt the chills...
When we left again, we walked down the staircase.. and I kinda had this flashback to when I was so little.. I used to run around all laughing and playing on the staircases, not fully aware that it was a hospital.. and the kind of things that go down there... Not realising the seriousness of hospitals..
I can't imagine walking around happy in a hospital now... it just makes me feel sad.. especially when I walk through the hall where all the patients lie.. all lying in bed, sleeping or in pain even.. and I was so afraid of talking, even walking too loud today..
in these kind of situations, I tend to close myself off.. and everything in my mind goes black.. I say as little as possible, and mostly just stand there, observing..

I don't have any bad experiences or anything with hospitals.. my dad got out fine.. my aunt is going to be fine.. but I guess it's just the fact that I've spent quite some time in this hospital in the past.. and I've forgotten all about it.
It just all came back today. It's not a bad thing btw..
I actually think it's always good to be reminded of things in the past.. you shouldn't try and forget things in the past, because the entire experience would have be in vain..

anyways.. yea.. that's what i felt today.. just got home, and just felt like getting it off my chest...